father knows best

on my "man bag" is a little leather bracelet with block letters which spell out "DADDY."  i don't have it there as a reminder of how i need to live in order to maintain that relationship with my children.  i don't carry it with me as a conversation starter or a feel good token because everything else in my life has gone up in proverbial flame.  i carry it with me as a "brag book."  inside those five letters is a tome of stories, anecdotes, tears, events, and various sundry moments which no other father has except me.  other fathers in other times have similar stories, but no other father has these stories.  no other father took this son to baseball games. no other father took this daughter to a father/daughter ball.  no other father taught this boy to hit a pitch, and no other father brushes this girl's hair.  but the bragging doesn't come in what i get from the amazing and unending privileges i have with my children, and it's not to brag about their amazing accomplishments as they grow by leaps and bounds each and every day.  it's not so much who they are to me as it is who i am to them.  no other father has this little blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauty drop her toys and with full smile in place run to me and scream "daddy" . . . for no apparent reason other than that she simply can.  and no other father has the surprise of his breath taken away by his 6 year old boy, who has out grown this kissing and cuddles, wrap his arms around his neck, squeeze the life out of him, smile and then run away to do what boys do . . . all the while looking back so he can make sure i'm still watching him smile, and laugh, and run.  

what i've seen

children adore their parents and in most cases a parent can "do no wrong."  when in every adult's eye we have turned the world over on its axis, children are resilient and still hold us high up, adoring all that we do.  but with age reality's perception changes and we are seen as human, fallible, and full of sin.  and it's this perception, not of others but of ourselves, that we carry into our spiritual lives.  most christians i know ca remember the vigor with which their conversion took hold.  Jesus was like a new boyfriend or girlfriend who we couldn't wait to show off . . . at prayer meetings, rallies, bible studies, "commitment services."  and we loved our new found love.  we now had someone there when no one else was, a "daddy" to do good things for, to say good things about, to sing for in our loudest voices . . . and all the while looking back to make sure that he was still there, smiling.  

but then we understand the reality of sin.  we understand that we really have screwed up this life He gave us.  that we have gone off and given ourselves to other Gods . . . and in fact, if we were really honest, are giving ourselves to other Gods on a daily basis.  and how do we respond?  history tells of my own life and i have heard countless stories of others, of how we retreat from the same God who we so wantingly ran to in the beginning.  we hide ourselves amidst the trees of the garden, ashamed of our failure and crossing our fingers that father won't find us.  but with the gentility and wisdom that only fathers have, He calls to us to come to Him.  it was not God who makes us hide in shame, it is we who hide ourselves.  and we do so because we have forgotten that Father knows best.

Our Father calls to us in our brokenness and sin to come to Him because He knows that it is the only place where we can find restoration.  He does not call us to come to Him so He can lash us or yell at us.  He calls for us to come to Him so He can restore us!  He calls for the broken sinner to come and be fixed.  He calls for the lonely sinner to come and find relationship.  He calls for the dying sinner to come to Him and find life.  He calls and says, "son, daughter do not forget the cross.  do not forget the way I have made for you to come to me.  it is not a way of shame and guilt.  it is not a way of humiliation and grief.  the cross is the way to freedom and peace.  the cross is the way to restoration and joy.  in the cross I have made possible everything which you are longing for . . . come to Me, sinner, and I will make you well."

how many times do we here Jesus say this?  and how many times do we not turn to Him?  instead we play our silly little games.  we put on our church faces, say amazing prayers, give biblical insights which make others "ooo" and "awe," hold positions of ministry and charity and all the while know nothing of intimacy with our Father.  we have, for years, neglected the opportunity to crawl up in his lap . . . just because we can.

i cannot speculate into the heart and mind of God, i've been foolish enough to do that before, i can only look into my own and hope to glean morsels from it.  if my daughter or my son ever sent me an email, or a letter, or a coloring book picture and from afar said, "i cannot come to you.  i cannot run to you and wrap my arms around you.  i cannot smile at you as i run and play . . . because i do not think that you will smile back.  i must be your son, your daughter, from far away.  when i fix things . . . i'll come back . . ." i would more than likely fall into a heap and weep . . . just like i did when i thought that i could not be a father to my children because i was unfit . . . i lost it.  on the floor of their bedrooms i cried like a baby at the thought of never seeing them again.  the moment is seared into my memory.

God is bigger than that.  He is not swayed by circumstantial emotion and whimsical fancies . . . but give me the freedom to speculate that He desires those whom He gave his Son to die for to run to Him in their sin that He may restore them in all gentleness and truth.  why would i speculate such things?  because it seems to me that there is an eternal bracelet which He has that says "DADDY" on it.  not because we are awesome children . . . we've all proved that to be wrong . . . but because in one moment, when all of heaven and earth come to a standstill, every knee will bow and look up to Him and He will say "because I have loved these, my children, and I have saved them, and I have cleansed them of their sin" . . . and all of us, all who are His, will run to Him faster than we've ever run before and grab tighter than we've ever grabbed before and for all eternity never let go.

the question i keep asking myself is, "why don't i do that now?"