for the past couple of months i have been using Jonathan Edwards' Resolutions as a catalyst for meditation and prayer. i started them around the new year....thinking it was a good time for "resolutions".... and have been slowly making my way through them. this morning's resolution struck me as particularly pertinent to recent conversations regarding my testimony, and for that matter, everyone's testimony.
Resolved, that I will live so as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.
yes.
and no.
yes because i hurt more people than i can count and offended to the greatest degree the one, true God. sin is inexcusable and any and every occasion to not sin should be and must be taken. so, yes, i would take it back.
and no because through the whole ordeal Christ found me. if you know my theology you know i believe in a sovereign God who is in complete control of all things, and the road my life went down is no exception. even though i was not with Him, He was in it every step of the way. in it and through it He found me. i will even go so far as to say that He specifically had me walk that road so He could find me in it. knowing and planning all along my fall and redemption, all to the ultimate end of His glory of His grace. i am solely responsible for all of my sin, and He for all the grace of saving me from it. i did all the sinning, and Christ did all the work for cleansing that sin. those were our roles in the story. i am the sinner, Christ the redeemer, and God the Father the giver of life...receiver of glory.
so Edwards' resolution? where i have been is the back story and necessary for what is most important...how, by His grace, i am living today and how today impacts how i live tomorrow. many wonder if i will fail again in the same way i failed before. my only response can be that i am human and outside of the grace and mercy of our loving God i am capable (and even sure) of evil things. but being held inside His grace i am promised in scripture that i am "controlled by the love of Christ" (2 cor. 5:14), and that His Spirit has "sealed me for the day of redemption" (eph. 1:14), and that i am being "conformed into the likeness of His Son." (rom. 8:29) outside of Christ, no, i don't stand a chance. but He has promised these things to those who are His and we can with confidence believe in His promises.
it is my resolution, along with Edwards, that i live the life i would want to look back upon and be thankful for. by the grace of God, and by the love that powers it, i will.
1 comment:
As people who read Romans 9 literally (Calvanists, Augustanians), we're not supposed to "regret." I says, Hogwash. Regret is the conjoined, annoying twin to remorse. How can one really repent without its pain? We know the pain we've caused God and others, and we want to stop! This isn't passive, these emotions are needed. It sucks, it hurts, and you can spend a lot of time "wallowing." However, as long as we don't remain too self-conscious we know it to be profitable toward real transformation. I'm reminded of Luke 7:47; with so much grace covering so much sin, just think how much glory and love?
This also gets me on 2 Cor. 1: 3-7. It makes me wonder about all the divorced people that I've met and been able to talk to or offer help with SINCE my own divorce. Though sin was carried out, God can use us for good. Now that thing that bears regret, covered in grace, it can be that thing you are better armed to aid other's with. Or know how to avoid yourself. For you, you live that resolute and resolutioned life, and God's probably going to use what you've learned so you can fulfill the resolution. How cool it would be to save other's from those sins we've been ensnared by?
That's my two cents, at least.
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